The weighted companion cube is your only friend because your official file clearly indicates that you are completely unlikable. While this official designation may upset you rest assured that we use the terms in a strictly clinical manner. You will also be displeased to learn that your condition has no known cure.
The lightweight weighted companion cube has insufficient mass to push your buttons but will still fill the square-shaped hole in your heart.
Always remember to euthanize your weighted companion cube in your nearest Emergency Artificial Intelligence Incinerator before all meals and prior to falling asleep at night.
